Marriage Undone

When my daughter was very little - 3 ish - I realized that she adapted very easily to different sets of rules in different places - our home versus the neighbors, for example, not to mention day care, church, etc. I think as long as neither parent judges the other’s rules in front of the kids then they can adapt to the differences. That is also not to say that her father and I haven’t consulted on some of the big issues she’s gotten older. We talked a lot, for example, when she first started asking to go on “dates,” and we’ve generally always attended teacher conferences together and tried to present a united front if she was having any difficulty in school. But things like bedtime and chores and eating habits have never been “rules” we even compared.

I think trying to have the same rules can create unnecessary tension, especially when things are not that amicable to begin with. I have heard women complain that their kids are “out of control” after a weekend at Dad’s, because he fed them too much sugar and let them stay up too late. And it doesn’t help that he buys them every toy they ask for. “No wonder they don’t want to come back home!” Instead of blaming Dad’s rules, or lack thereof, remember the kids are adjusting. Give them time and the transition will become easier.

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