Marriage Undone

Whether you have kids or not, your home likely feels a bit empty after your ex moves out. It is hard to fight depression when you are home alone, re-hashing every painful moment of your breakup. You have to get out of the house!

Now is the time to take care of yourself, more than ever! Let your friends know that you need to stay busy, but don’t rely entirely on people you already know to keep you entertained. The most well-meaning friends will eventually tire of your sadness. Some probably feel threatened by your separation or divorce. They may be taking a look at their own marriages and feeling frightened, or they may feel uncomfortable taking sides between you and your ex. It’s time to make some new friends!

Revisit old hobbies and interests. Sign up for a class and learn something new. While I don’t recommend joining the dating scene for a while, you can use the internet to meet platonic friends. My favorite social site is meetup. Meetup hosts groups for every interest under the sun - from bowling to politics to hiking to…everything! Many cities have a Divorce/Separated Support Group, and the one in my area is awesome! This is not a bunch of folks in folding chairs introducing themselves and sharing their sad stories like an AA meeting. Members meet in a variety of social settings and concentrate on having a good time! Of course as they get to know each other, they do share their stories and find others in similar situations with whom to share empathy. Perhaps more importantly, they also meet people on the other side of similar situations, helping them find a bit of empathy for their ex-spouses.

The main focus should be to enjoy yourself. It is hard at first, and you will feel like you are just going through the motions. But that’s a start–and it’s better than staying home alone!