Marriage Undone

I’ve heard so many horror stories from members of my divorce/separated support group. And if you watch the news for divorce stories, you’ll read about celebrities - people who seem to have everything - fighting horrible divorce and custody battles. Why does the end of a marriage reduce us to such unreasonable beings?

Most of us, most of the time, agree that there are two sides to every story. Or maybe three as I’ve heard it: his side, her side, and the truth. But in divorce, both sides seem to think they are absolutely right and the other is absolutely wrong.

I do understand the ‘why’ in some respect - we didn’t marry our spouse with the expectation they would hurt us so badly that we would no longer want to be married. Divorce is extremely emotional, and we don’t tend to behave like rationally when we are emotional.

What I don’t understand is why it takes so long to come to our senses. Playing the blame game ultimately hurts everyone involved, especially when we have children.

I’m right and you are wrong is probably how you ended up in separation or divorce to begin with. The sooner you let go of blame, the sooner you can move on with your life, hopefully without giving more money to your lawyer than you have to give to your ex.