Marriage Undone

According to Wikipedia, “Academic research since the 1980s rejects the notion of midlife crisis as a phase that most adults go through.” The key word might be “most,” though I’ve heard plenty laymen criticize “midlife crisis” as just an excuse for bad behavior.

For those who believe their spouse has experienced a midlife crisis, the similarities are uncanny. They hear the “I love you but I’m not in love with you speech,” about the same time their spouse seems to become possessed by an alien being.

In addition to some of the stereotypical behavior, like buying a shiny new sports car and showing a preference for more “hip” clothing, the alien begins to blame their partner for everything under the sun, and most importantly for his or her own misery.

They spend more and more time away from home, become secretive and unreasonable (in fact their behavior is often compared to that of a rebellious teenager), and more often than not, they engage in an extra-marital affair.

Michele Weiner-Davis shares a chapter, Surviving His Midlife Crisis from her book, The Divorce Remedy, in the community forums on her website. Judging from the participation in her forums, plenty of people identify with the experience.

How will you know for sure if this is your spouse’s problem? You may not be able to be sure, and the more difficult question may be whether you have the patience to try to survive it. Weiner-Davis offers a wealth of advice through her website and books, and I’ll explore some of what I consider the gems in a later post.