Marriage Undone

Most agree it’s a bad idea to have a string of men/women prancing through the lives of your kids, but how much and when should you expose them to dates and/or new significant others?

Several factors influence how you should handle your new social life, including the age/maturity of the children, the success/failure of your shared-parenting efforts, and the seriousness of your relationship(s).

Very young children may accept new friends of both sexes in your life without really comprehending “girlfriend/boyfriend” status. This more or less happened with my own daughter when I met my second husband. He was a neighbor, and we spent increasingly more time together until he and eventually his children became a “fixture” without my daughter and I ever really talking much about it.

Older kids may very well start encouraging you to date before you consider it yourself. In such cases they will probably be curious and appreciate meeting even your casual dates. If you are not expecting a relationship to be long-term, however, use caution with how much your children are exposed to your dates. Social situations with groups of people and very minimal physical affection are probably most appropriate in the casual or early stages.

If your relationship with your ex is difficult, your children will likely be more emotionally affected by your divorce. In such cases they may take more time to be accepting of “replacement” figures. While you certainly would not want to hide a serious relationship, you also don’t want to force them to be too involved.

The key is take the cues from your kids. Their reactions will certainly show you how much they want to know about your love life. Remember your are modeling behavior, as well. Your post-divorce relationships will add to the lessons you have already shown them in your marriage.