Marriage Undone

If your separation or divorce is recent, you probably think this is the worst New Years ever. You probably don’t believe me if I tell you that next year you will be amazed at how much better life is. But it’s true. You can start this New Year in a journey to better-than-ever.

New Years Resolutions are hard to keep. The failure rate is much higher than the success rate. So do you really think I can give you suggestions that will work? Only if we keep it simple.

First, spend some time patting yourself on the back. What do you do well? As bad as things might seem, what is working in your life? Ask yourself this question every day, frequently, until you can honestly answer it. Something *is* working. You are still here aren’t you? Still kicking? Do you have a roof over your head? Congratulations - you are doing better than lots of folks in the world!

Focus on what is working, and build on that. What ever makes you happy, even for a few moments, find ways to make it work more often.

If you have a hard time catching yourself being happy, then imagine something small that would make you smile. Take a few deep breaths and just pretend you have it - whatever it is. (Please do not focus on getting your ex back at this point!)

Come on, how about a little smile? A kitten being silly? Would that work? Or would you prefer a puppy? If you already have a pet, commit yourself to just 15 minutes a day totally focused on enjoying him or her. If you don’t, well, if you are reading this, then you have internet access. Treat yourself to 15 minutes on youtube searching for “cute puppies” or “talking cats“.

These seem like silly examples, but silly and small is a good way to start. The better you make yourself feel every day with the small things, the more confidence you will have to tackle the big things.

Be selfish with your New Years Resolutions - think positive, not overwhelming. Change your year with daily babysteps, and make sure you smile!