Marriage Undone

While society has been educated regarding the tragedy of battered women, and indeed the image has influenced many of us to appreciate the progression of divorce becoming more acceptable, I’ve recently known of way too many men falsely accused of abuse in the midst of separation and divorce.

This article explores the problem in detail.

It is mind-boggling to me. Often, the worst accusations occur when the wife is actually the one “at fault” in the divorce. Some take out restraining orders with no basis in fact and put their former spouse through the humiliation of arrest and trial, with long struggles to clear their name, and sometimes months of no contact with their children. Why? Out of spite? Do they think they will pocket more money?

Thank goodness the men I know personally have been able to clear their names and those who falsely accused them have looked like idiots in court, but not to any other real consequence for the ex, just unneccesary legal expense and extended separation between father and child.

I’ll never understand how anyone justifies such false accusations. But I’m impressed with the work of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children. Don’t get me wrong - I unfortunately also know of mothers who have been the victim of false accusations and have lost custody of their children. ACFC state’s that their mission is not exclusively custody for fathers but “shared parenting.”

When we have children, their best interest should be our first priority in separation and divorce. Period. If you are in the midst of such a battle, please evaluate your motives. Don’t make things worse with lies and rationalizations about what you might think is best for your kids. They deserve your effort at co-parenting, regardless of how you feel about your ex.

***This is (obviously, I hope!) not targeted to parents dealing with actual abuse, and especially in situations where childrent have been abused!!! If you are in a truly abusive situation, seek help!