May 10 2009
Cheating in the News
At first glance, it’s discouraging to have so much cheating in the news. Elizabeth Edwards’ story breaks my heart. Kate Gosselin’s headline appearances seem vindictive on the media’s part - the “good” Octomom “revealed”.
But maybe the media attention is a good thing. It’s time we stopped pretending that adultery is the worst thing that can happen to a marriage. It’s not a good thing, by any means. It’s one of the worst things that can happen, for sure. But our culture treats infidelity as the unforgiveable sin, as the absolute justifiable grounds for divorce, when the truth is that many marriages survive, and maybe even improve, after an affair.
I’m so glad Elizabeth Edwards is sharing her perspective. Despite all of the critisicm, the suggestions that she is simply seeking revenge, the accusations that John is insincere and too detached, I believe the Edwards have portrayed an accurate picture of the heartache, the difficulty, but also the hope of rebuilding a marriage.
My goal has never been to undermine the pain and damage that results from infidelity, but I do think it’s important for all of us to stop pretending that it doesn’t happen, or that it only happens to the really “bad” people. Cheating is a common, perhaps understandable, fact of life. The sooner we pay better attention to the subject in a more objective way, the sooner healing and forgiveness, and perhaps prevention, are possible.
